Holiday Triggers and Courtroom Triggers: Why December Hits Survivors Hard
If December feels like emotional whiplash, you are not imagining it. Survivors already carry the weight of trauma, uncertainty, and fear. The holiday season adds pressure from every direction. Court dates often land in December (not coincidental). Visitation conflict escalates. Financial stress increases. Memories resurface. The world expects joy while survivors fight to stay afloat. No one is meant to carry this much at once. Nothing about your reaction is a sign of weakness. You are responding in very human ways to an inhumane level of pressure.
Many survivors feel ashamed when they still feel shock or pain after the narcissist behaves exactly as predicted. They tell themselves they should be used to it by now. This is not how trauma works. This is not how the human heart works. You once loved this person. You built a life with them. You share children. You hoped for something better. Every betrayal cuts a little deeper.
Financial strain increases the emotional load. Survivors often juggle rent, legal fees, therapy costs, and basic needs while trying to create holiday magic for their children with whatever resources they have left.
Narcissists know this. They count on the struggle.
They use the holidays to elevate their image while making the survivor look inadequate. Holiday traditions become opportunities for them to one up, outperform, and overshadow. If watching The Sound of Music as a family has been your long-standing holiday tradition, the narcissist will turn it into a spectacle by buying extravagant theater tickets that your children will never forget. If you plan to take the kids to see Santa on December 8th, they will take them on December 7th, keep them up late, feed them sugar, and send them back to you exhausted and dysregulated. If you have saved for two years to buy your daughter an American Girl doll, the narcissist may respond by gifting her a trip to the American Girl store complete with every accessory imaginable. These behaviors are not coincidences. They are calculated. Survivors who try to explain this pattern to others are often met with disbelief or accusations of paranoia. Nothing could be further from the truth.
This is strategic. This is intentional. You are not imagining it.
December creates an emotional collision between holiday triggers and courtroom triggers. The combination of holiday expectations, court deadlines, visitation battles, loneliness, exhaustion, fear, financial strain, and old memories intensifies everything. Your nervous system remembers. Your body remembers. Nothing about your experience is exaggerated.
How to Stay Steady
Radical acceptance helps you respond with clarity rather than fighting the reality of your situation. This is not approval and it doesn't mean you agree with how things are. This is acknowledgment that allows you to think more clearly and conserve your emotional energy. Ground your expectations in reality. Expecting healthy behavior from a narcissist during the most emotional month of the year invites heartbreak.
Realistic expectations create steadier emotions. Choose safe emotional outlets. Trauma informed support is essential. Avoid people who shame, minimize, or tell you to toughen up. You need validation, not dismissal. Give yourself permission to be present for small pockets of relief. Presence does not mean ignoring your pain. Presence means refusing to let the narcissist own every minute of your December. Moments of peace can exist even during seasons of hardship. You deserve moments of peace.
You are navigating one of the most difficult months survivors face.
Offering yourself compassion is not optional…it is necessary.
The fine print:
I am not an attorney and I am not qualified to provide legal advice. Everything I share is based on personal experience and over a decade of work supporting others through high conflict custody battles. It is essential to consult with your attorney before making any legal decisions or implementing strategies discussed here. Your attorney is your legal voice and your advocate in the courtroom. They can help you understand the law in your jurisdiction, evaluate potential risks, and determine the best approach for your unique situation.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor, a mom, and someone who understands this battle firsthand. I acted as my own attorney and successfully protected my children in a system that I can only describe as inhumane. I am also a blogger, a certified divorce coach, a best selling author, and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist and I prevailed. You can read more about me here.
