Your Holiday Survival Plan: Strategies for Post Separation Abuse Season
December brings a predictable wave of escalation from the narcissist. Once you understand the pattern, you can build a survival plan that protects your peace and keeps you steady. This month is rarely calm for survivors. The narcissist creates conflict, financial pressure rises, routines shift, and your nervous system stays on high alert. Nothing about this means you are failing….it means you are responding to a season that is uniquely difficult for those who share children with someone who thrives on chaos.
Compartmentalization becomes essential. This is not avoidance. This is a conscious decision to place the battle in a mental box so you can focus on the moment in front of you. Dedicated windows for court work give you structure. Scheduled communication windows allow you to control when the narcissist enters your mental space. Limits around when you let yourself think about the case keep your emotional energy from draining. Permission to be present with your children helps you reclaim small moments of connection. You get to decide where your focus goes. The narcissist does not control that.
Micro-rituals can offer stability when your schedule is full and your emotions are stretched thin. Deep breathing before responding to messages calms your body. Turning off notifications quiets the constant pressure of incoming conflict. Stepping outside for a few minutes resets your nervous system. Short grounding practices can bring you back to yourself. Simple routines become lifelines during a month designed to overwhelm.
Many survivors worry about how the narcissist’s holiday theatrics will affect their children. The narcissist often uses this season to perform rather than parent. Competitive gift giving, guilt tripping, interrogations, last minute schedule changes, and exaggerated displays of affection are common. Your steadiness has more impact than their spectacle. Children remember emotional safety, not glitter. They remember quiet moments at home, not performances meant to impress outsiders on Instagram. Your consistency is the anchor they return to.
Strategic communication becomes crucial. December is not the month for emotional replies. Short responses, neutral language, minimal engagement, and consistent documentation protect your record, your case, and your emotional well being. Respond only when required. Wait until you are regulated. Treat communication as part of the long game, not a daily reaction.
December is heavy for survivors, but it does not define you. You are navigating the season with wisdom, strategy, and an awareness of what truly matters. Your survival plan is not about perfection. It is about protecting your nervous system, your children, and your peace in small but powerful ways.
The fine print:
I am not an attorney and I am not qualified to provide legal advice. Everything I share is based on personal experience and over a decade of work supporting others through high conflict custody battles. It is essential to consult with your attorney before making any legal decisions or implementing strategies discussed here. Your attorney is your legal voice and your advocate in the courtroom. They can help you understand the law in your jurisdiction, evaluate potential risks, and determine the best approach for your unique situation.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor, a mom, and someone who understands this battle firsthand. I acted as my own attorney and successfully protected my children in a system that I can only describe as inhumane. I am also a blogger, a certified divorce coach, a best selling author, and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist and I prevailed. You can read more about me here.
