Why the Narcissist Spirals During the Holidays and How to Protect Your Peace
Every year, as the holidays roll in, the narcissist begins to unravel. It starts quietly. Decorations appear in stores, families start to talk about holiday plans and children begin to feel excitement. Without warning, the narcissist begins the slow but predictable slide into chaos.
If you have ever wondered why December feels like living inside a pressure cooker, there is a reason. The holidays threaten the narcissist at a core level. They do not have the capacity to experience connection in authentic ways. They do not feel the warmth that the rest of the world seems to swim in and they know it. Every reminder of joy, love, bonding, and family is a reminder of what they cannot access. This threat creates a perfect storm inside of them. Releasing the pressure often looks like escalating conflict. Some manipulate or guilt trip. Some sabotage plans. Some create nonstop chaos so you cannot enjoy a single moment.
Survivors navigating post separation abuse often feel this even more intensely. Holiday peace feels like a direct threat to someone who thrives on control and conflict. Understanding the pattern helps you stay ahead of it. You are not imagining it. You are not overreacting. You are responding to a predictable cycle.
Why They Spiral
The holidays intensify the narcissist’s internal turbulence because they feel threatened by emotional intimacy, resent attention directed anywhere but toward themselves, cannot tolerate seeing others experience joy, fear being exposed as disconnected or empty, and experience intense envy during a season centered on connection.
There is another end of the spectrum that often confuses survivors. Some narcissists spiral through chaos, rage, and sabotage. Others go all out with over the top holiday displays because they have an image to protect. Their performance becomes part of the manipulation. They curate the perfect family scene for social media or extended relatives while creating turmoil behind the scenes. Holiday behavior exists on a wide scale, and the tactic your narcissist chooses often depends on what serves their current circumstances and desired narrative.
How You Can Protect Your Peace
Set communication windows and choose when you will check messages. This helps you maintain authority over your time, focus, and emotional space. Lower your expectations. Expecting healthy adult behavior from a narcissist during December often leads to disappointment. Realistic expectations help you stay grounded. Stay anchored in your truth. Their chaos does not define you. Their accusations do not reflect your worth. Their spirals are not your responsibility. Avoid chasing peace with a narcissist. Chasing peace with someone who thrives on conflict only drains you. Their behavior is not yours to fix. You deserve moments of steadiness, connection, and meaning even during difficult seasons. The holidays do not need to be perfect to hold value.
Your presence matters.
Your peace matters.
Your children feel your love even in the hardest seasons.
The fine print:
I am not an attorney and I am not qualified to provide legal advice. Everything I share is based on personal experience and over a decade of work supporting others through high conflict custody battles. It is essential to consult with your attorney before making any legal decisions or implementing strategies discussed here. Your attorney is your legal voice and your advocate in the courtroom. They can help you understand the law in your jurisdiction, evaluate potential risks, and determine the best approach for your unique situation.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor, a mom, and someone who understands this battle firsthand. I acted as my own attorney and successfully protected my children in a system that I can only describe as inhumane. I am also a blogger, a certified divorce coach, a best selling author, and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist and I prevailed. You can read more about me here.
