Why Telling the Truth Is Not Enough When You Are Divorcing a Narcissist
Many parents enter family court believing that telling the truth will be enough. They assume that once abuse is disclosed, the system will respond appropriately. When that does not happen, the confusion can be devastating.
For survivors, this is not simply a lack of validation. It is a profound slap in the face. After enduring abuse inside a relationship, many parents expect the legal system to offer protection or, at the very least, recognition. Instead, they are met with disbelief, minimization, or indifference. This institutional betrayal destabilizes people. It is disorienting, painful, and deeply retraumatizing. Many survivors report that this phase feels worse than the abuse itself, because the harm is now sanctioned by the system that was supposed to intervene.
Family court does not operate as a truth seeking or trauma informed system. It operates through narratives, power, and incentives. In cases involving a narcissistic or high conflict parent, those dynamics are easily exploited. Abusive parents often present as calm, cooperative, and credible. Protective parents are frequently exhausted, reactive, and emotionally impacted by prolonged abuse. This imbalance is not accidental. It is routinely rewarded, often at an extraordinary cost.
That cost can include loss of custody. Children are regularly placed with abusive parents while the protective parent is sidelined, discredited, or punished for raising concerns. What is framed as neutrality or balance frequently results in outcomes that endanger children and sever safe attachments.
In family court, truth without strategy is vulnerable. Emotional disclosures can be reframed as instability. Protective actions can be labeled interference. Fear can be interpreted as hostility. The system rarely pauses to examine context or coercive control. Instead, it records behavior and assigns meaning based on deeply flawed assumptions.
From a young age, children are taught to speak up when something is wrong. They are encouraged to tell a trusted adult if someone is hurting them. Family court often reverses that lesson. Children who disclose abuse can be ignored, silenced, or punished. Protective parents who listen to their children and act to keep them safe are accused of coaching or alienating. Simply doing what nature intended, protecting your child, becomes framed as misconduct. In this environment, children’s voices are not just minimized. They can be dangerous to amplify.
This is why education matters. Strategic communication is not about manipulation or hiding the truth. It is about understanding how power operates inside family court so your truth is not distorted or weaponized against you. Documentation must show patterns, not isolated incidents. Communication must protect the record, not relieve the moment.
Support matters here as well. Education does not have to happen in isolation. Learning strategy, documentation, and system dynamics can happen through structured education, courses, or working with a trained coach who understands high conflict custody cases. Support can be valuable whether you are at the beginning of a divorce, post decree, or even if you were never married. Strategy remains relevant as long as the court has jurisdiction over your child.
For parents divorcing a narcissist, this learning curve is steep and unforgiving. False narratives gain traction quickly. Professionals often default to balance instead of safety. In practice, this means prioritizing what appears fair to the parents, or responding to the parent who is the loudest, most aggressive, or most persistent. What gets lost in that equation is the child’s actual experience. Safety, developmental needs, and the impact of abuse are sidelined in favor of symmetry, expediency, or appeasement. Once labels are applied, they are difficult to undo.
Founded in 2011, One Mom’s Battle has helped parents understand this reality for more than a decade. Over and over, the same lesson emerges.
Truth alone is not enough in family court. Education and strategy are what allow protective parents to navigate a system that routinely misinterprets abuse and punishes those who speak up.
The fine print: I am not an attorney and I am not qualified to provide legal advice. Everything I share is based on personal experience and over a decade of work supporting others through high conflict custody battles. It is essential to consult with your attorney before making any legal decisions or implementing strategies discussed here. Your attorney is your legal voice and your advocate in the courtroom. They can help you understand the law in your jurisdiction, evaluate potential risks, and determine the best approach for your unique situation.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor, a mom, and someone who understands this battle firsthand. I acted as my own attorney and successfully protected my children in a system that I can only describe as inhumane. I am also a blogger, a certified divorce coach, a best selling author, and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist and I prevailed. You can read more about me here. If you would like to know my full story, you can read Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle.
