My Narcissistic Ex Blames Me When the Children Don’t Want to See Them - Help!
One of the most common and damaging tactics used by narcissistic abusers in the family court system is the claim of “parental alienation.”
When children resist spending time with an abusive parent, it’s not because the safe parent “turned them against” the abuser—it’s because of the abuser’s own actions. Coercive control, threats, manipulation, emotional neglect, and even witnessing abuse toward the other parent can create a climate where children feel unsafe, anxious, or outright afraid. These reactions are not manufactured by the protective parent—they’re a survival response.
This is a tragic but predictable outcome. And one that could be avoided if the abusive parent were capable of providing a safe and stable environment.
What Do Abusers Do When Children Reject Them?
Rather than take responsibility, narcissistic abusers turn the blame on the safe parent. Their favorite tool? The weaponized accusation of “parental alienation.”
Despite the fact that this theory has been discredited and is not recognized by any credible medical or psychological organization—including the World Health Organization (WHO) and the American Psychological Association (APA)—it is still widely used in family court. Why? Because it’s profitable. Alienation claims create financial opportunity for attorneys, court-appointed therapists, reunification programs, and evaluators. And most disturbingly, these claims are often taken seriously by judges.
Let’s be clear: the term “parental alienation” is the language of the oppressor. It is used to silence abuse, punish protective parents, and remove children from the very person fighting to keep them safe.
The message is chilling:
“It wasn’t the abuse that damaged the relationship—it was your love, your protection, your stability. You’re the problem.”
How to Safeguard Yourself from Alienation Accusations
If your ex has accused you of “gatekeeping” (a term often used when you refuse to send your child into an unsafe or unstable environment), “enmeshment” (a term often weaponized when children are naturally more bonded with their safe parent), or has expressed outrage that the children don't want to spend time with them—it is critical that you protect yourself and your case.
In The Rulebook Academy’s online course, Safeguarding Yourself Against Claims of Parental Alienation, I teach exactly how to recognize, anticipate, and safeguard against these harmful allegations. You’ll learn:
The most common alienation allegations and how they’re used
The disturbing origin of the alienation movement
How the modern-day “alienation industry” operates
How to safeguard yourself and your case without compromising your values or your child’s safety
You don’t need to accept the false narrative being spun about you in court. You can fight back—with facts, with strategy, and with clarity.
Your children deserve safety. You deserve to be heard. And we deserve a family court system that listens.
Enroll today and take the first step in protecting yourself and your children from this weaponized tactic.
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Divorcing a narcissist? You’re in the right place.
The fine print: I am not an attorney and am not qualified to provide legal advice. Everything I share is based on personal experience and over a decade of work supporting others through high-conflict custody battles. However, it is essential to consult with your attorney before making any legal decisions or implementing strategies discussed here. Your attorney is your legal voice and your advocate in the courtroom. They can help you understand the law in your jurisdiction, evaluate potential risks, and determine the best approach for your unique situation.
About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I’m a survivor, a mom, and someone who understands this battle firsthand. I acted as my own attorney and successfully protected my children in a system that I can only describe as inhumane. I’m also a blogger, a certified divorce coach, a best-selling author, and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist—and I prevailed.
You can read more about me here.
