What This Season Taught Me: Supporting Others Through the Holidays

December holds a unique weight for survivors who are still in the thick of a custody battle or navigating post separation abuse. The holidays add pressure from every direction. Courts slow down. Schedules shift. Visitation battles intensify. Financial strain increases. Traditions feel disrupted. Loneliness grows.

The world expects joy while survivors are simply trying to breathe.

I remember those seasons. My battle is behind me now, but the memories live close enough that I can still feel how heavy December once was. Nothing compares to navigating holiday expectations while dealing with a person who thrives on chaos, conflict, and control. Nothing compares to carrying fear, exhaustion, and uncertainty during a season that magnifies every loss and every longing. Survivors often believe they should be coping better or feeling stronger or finding more joy. Nothing about this belief is fair. December does not expose your shortcomings. December exposes the cruelty of a system that leaves protective parents carrying more than any human should.

This time of year teaches important truths. It teaches survivors that their capacity shifts from day to day, and that this is not failure. It teaches them how to protect their energy when the narcissist escalates. It teaches them how to create presence even in moments that feel fragile. It teaches them to see their own limits and honor them. It teaches them that their strength is often quiet, steady, and unseen. I carry these memories with me not as open wounds but as reminders of what survivors endure and what they are capable of.

There is value in releasing what this month tried to place on your shoulders.

Release the guilt that says you should have done more. Release the shame that whispers you did not hold it together well enough. Release the belief that your worth comes from holiday performance or perfection. Release the idea that you must rise above emotions that are completely normal for someone enduring trauma during a season centered on family and connection.

There is equal value in acknowledging what you carry forward. You are carrying wisdom earned through experience. You are carrying clarity about what matters and what does not. You are carrying resilience shaped in the hardest possible circumstances. You are carrying the ability to see truth clearly, even when the narcissist works to distort it. You are carrying hope, even when that hope flickers rather than shines.

My perspective today is different from the years when I faced December with dread. My custody battle is long in the past yet I hold deep compassion for the survivors who are still living through what I once faced. I know what these weeks can take out of you. I know what they demand from your body, your emotions, your finances, and your stability. I know how easy it is to feel invisible during a season filled with unrealistic expectations.

You are not invisible. You are not alone. You are stronger than you feel. You made it through another December, a month that tests survivors in ways the world does not understand. You are entering a new year with more courage, more clarity, and more resilience than you realize. Your story is still unfolding, and your strength continues to grow with every step.

I see you. I am proud of you.

The fine print:

I am not an attorney and I am not qualified to provide legal advice. Everything I share is based on personal experience and over a decade of work supporting others through high conflict custody battles. It is essential to consult with your attorney before making any legal decisions or implementing strategies discussed here. Your attorney is your legal voice and your advocate in the courtroom. They can help you understand the law in your jurisdiction, evaluate potential risks, and determine the best approach for your unique situation.

About me: My name is Tina Swithin. I am a survivor, a mom, and someone who understands this battle firsthand. I acted as my own attorney and successfully protected my children in a system that I can only describe as inhumane. I am also a blogger, a certified divorce coach, a best selling author, and a fierce advocate for reform in the family court system. I divorced a narcissist and I prevailed. You can read more about me here.