Family Court: When Everything Feels Out of Control

Family court has a way of stripping away your sense of power. Judges make decisions without understanding the full picture. Professionals are brought in who may never truly see you or your children. Even worse, these professionals may be more concerned about billable hours than the safety of your child. It can feel like you are standing in the middle of a storm, watching pieces of your life get carried off in every direction, powerless to stop it.

I know that feeling well.

Our children often feel this too. When they are caught in custody battles, it can seem as though everything in their world is out of their control. This is why it becomes so important to find ways to empower them, to build them up, and to give them a sense of stability and voice.

When my daughters were very young, I worked overtime to make them feel empowered where ever I could. Sometimes it was a simple as giving them autonomy over what they were going to wear to school, even if it made me cringe. We created rituals together. Each morning before school, we chose words to carry with us into the day, simple affirmations that reminded us that we were seen, we were strong, and we were not alone. To anyone on the outside, it may have looked like a small thing, but inside our little family it was everything.

At the dinner table, we often passed around feelings cards. Each person would pull one and share a memory connected to that feeling. It gave us a way to talk openly, to validate emotions, and to practice empathy. I wanted my daughters to see that all feelings were welcome, and that empathy mattered.

We also played a game called “I know my truth.” I would always announce the game before starting so that the girls knew we were playing. The game went something like this:

Me: “Your shirt is yellow.”
My daughter: “I know my truth, my shirt is blue.”

Me: “The sky looks really green today.”
My daughter: “I know my truth, the sky is blue.”

It was lighthearted, but powerful. It taught my children to hold on to what they knew to be true, no matter what anyone else might say. It made them grounded in their truth so that if anyone in life was gaslighting them, they could tap into whatever they knew to be true. In all of these talks and rituals, I never brought their father into it. I kept things general, because my focus was on strengthening my children and keeping our communication open.

Another ritual we shared was “high, medium, and low.” Each day, we would take turns sharing one high moment, one medium moment, and one low. It was simple, yet it gave us an easy rhythm of connection.

These practices became a way to ground ourselves when everything else felt shaky. I realized something important: while I could not control the family court system, I could control the atmosphere inside our home. I could model resilience, I could teach my daughters the power of their own voices, and I could remind them that our worth was never up for debate (in a courtroom or anywhere).

This is where so many protective parents find themselves today, fighting for their children inside a system that too often minimizes abuse and fails to protect them. Yet even in this reality, there is a place of power. It begins with getting clear about what is within your control and what is not.

You cannot control whether a judge understands the dynamics of coercive control. You cannot control whether your ex chooses to change. You cannot control the expert who walks into the courtroom with their own biases.

You can control your documentation. You can control the way you communicate in writing. You can control your boundaries, your preparation, and the messages you give your children about who they are and what they deserve.

When we stop pouring our energy into what we cannot control, we suddenly find we have more strength for the things that matter most.

That is what those affirmation cards and family rituals taught me all those years ago. Even in the darkest chapters, we can carve out light. That is what I want to remind you of today: your power is real, and it is enough.

We may not control the system, but together we can control the story we tell ourselves and our children. In that story, we are not powerless. We are warriors.

If you would like to bring affirmations into your own home, the deck my daughters and I created is available here. Each card is a gentle reminder for children that they are seen, valued, and never alone.