Divorcing a Narcissist: Another Email for the Narc Decoder
Some weeks, you just have to roll with the punches and this has been one of those weeks.There is a feature on my gmail account called, “Translate text” and I keep clicking it to no avail. It’s been a while since I’ve received a crazy, rambling email from my x and I find it unbelievable that he actually cc’d my daughters’ attorney on this one.For those who are new to my blog and new to the world of Narcissism, I like to "process" his emails and text messages through something called the "Narc Decoder". Picture a strange metal device constructed in my garage. The Narc Decoder is patent pending and currently being tested on Charlie Sheen and a few other hand-selected individuals (gotta keep my sense of humor). Anyway, the Narc Decoder helps me to understand what he is really saying because as we all know, their communication style is crazy-making.He emailed yesterday to confirm that he was exercising visitation with the girls. I responded and asked that he meet me in a public location (police station or coffee shop) because I do not feel comfortable at his family’s property. Despite his father’s glowing declaration in which he touts his long career in local education, the man is not qualified to act as a neutral third party and he makes me extremely uncomfortable. Instead of a simple, “yes or no” response to my suggestion, this is what I received:###Tina- My Dad educated over 8000 students in his career. Neither my father, (brother) nor I have ever committed any act of harm towards any woman ever. We do not like you anymore this is true, but we are not going to do anything to any woman ever to hurt them. It’s just delusional that you have such a fear.
Narc Decoder: I have not 'yet' created an act of harm to a woman but I am starting to worry about the declarations from three different women who have stepped up to testify that they live in (or have lived in) fear about my actions and instability relating to stalking and passive aggressive threats.
You are creating in your mind a story line to fuel your little blog Tina. I don’t care about your blog. It’s actually funny to me at this point. You attach (minor’s counsel) when he doesn’t want to meet with you. You attack (the Commissioner) on it. You attack the Superior Court for not believing your exaggerations. Where does all this hatred and vengeance come from Tina?
Narc Decoder: I am obsessed with your blog which is why I mention it to anyone who will listen and include references to it in each and every court document.
I just want a normal, healthy relationships with my daughters free of your micro-management of every minute that I am with my daughters. Your continuous attacks on my character and every member in my family need to stop.
Narc Decoder: I am incapable of a normal, healthy relationship of any kind and we both know that. I don't like court orders or following rules. By you telling the truth about my family, we are no longer able to hide our long-held family secrets and dysfunctions.
You are seriously jeopardizing my job at this point. You've had me in court, middle of the week 220 miles from my job responsibilities 12+ times this year. Let alone the amount of time I must waste to respond to your hearings that you file with 2-3 days notice. I should be 120% to plan making money and moving on in my carreer not devoting 3 days of every work week well responding to your opinions, lies and exaggerations, which you do in every declaration, more and more frequently.
Narc Decoder: How dare you hold me accountable for my actions when I am with my daughters. They are my possessions and I should be allowed to do anything I please sans authority or repercussions.
If I lose this job, because court is always in the middle of the work week, I will be unable to get another job in this industry. I will be unemployed and you will not get any money except a small portion of unemployment. You make money, whey don’t you just be happy and get on with your life. It is time you call it quits. This is about two innocent children. You have conducted a severe level of Parental Alienation Syndrome and the damage is apparent but will grow more severe as the children reach teenage years. Do you really want to be in court all of the time when the girls are 3, 5 10 years older Tina?!?
Narc Decoder: I am about to loose my job because they are already starting to see through me. It's been about four months and that is the life cycle of each job that I get. I need someone to blame for my loss of employment so that my parents will still believe that I am perfect.
(Youngest daughter) wetting her bed in on you Tina. She never wet her bed in 2011 when she was with me overnight. I’d wake her up to potty at 11:30 PM or so and she’d be fine until the morning. Her having nightmares is on your conscience. You have caused this Tina. These children need to know they have two loving parents. They need to have a relationship with me their father. They can call (fiancé) their step-dad but the pressure you put on them to accept him as their dad is causing them to have severe emotional strain and anxiety. They want me to be their dad Tina. I am sorry I sold all the furniture back in 2009. But you had no income. The family needed any available money to fund your home and my living in two places for the sake of the girls. You'll remember you went bankrupt and did not work for 8 more months.
Narc Decoder: I am trying to keep my stories straight. I sold the furniture or I hid the furniture while you were out of town? Which is the last version of the story that I told? I can't remember. I need to twist the bankruptcy story around so that I have no responsibility for the fact that I ran up almost 1.7 million dollars which included spending my parent's retirement behind their backs to support my need for a lavish lifestyle. I am going to blame you for the bankruptcy and remember that time you were out of work for three months? I am going to add five months to the real number because it sounds better in my head.
Since we have had the exchange at (his family’s house), I have had at least one person present as a witness, either (his brother’s Thai bride) or (x’s father). I have previously thought about having the exchange at the Police Department. The problem is this is scary setting potentially for the children. There is no reason for it. You think after your dragging me to court for three years over nonsense and exaggerations, I would risk yelling at you or harming you, it's just preposterous Tina. I am not going to do anything to hurt you. Nor would I say anything to you in the presence of the children you could use against me in court. Go on in your life with (fiancé). I am pleading with you to leave me alone. Years from now, the girls will be emotionally scarred and damaged by what you've done in this divorce. I think that they're perception of having an exchange at a Police Department, which is completely unnecessary, will weigh on them as uncomfortable and cause increased anxiety. When I was a kid Police made me nervous.
Narc Decoder: Due to my handful of run-ins with law enforcement, police make me nervous and caused increased anxiety. Let's agree to meet away from them.
I would be willing to consider an exchange at the children museum. Or maybe at the downtown park in the square. How about that Tina? I am truly sorry you feel like I hurt you so badly by falling out of love with you back in 2007, but I did. I am sorry I felt compelled to sell all the furniture, but we were broke and you were unemployed and it was prior to my filing for divorce. I will compromise and agree to the children museum or the park. Will that work for you? The x
Narc Decoder: My ego is so big that I have to believe that our break-up had nothing to do with the fact that you saw my true colors and fell out of love with me. I'm going to re-create the story in my own mind (and believe it!). I hope you don't catch on to the fact that the story changes every so often. Last week the demise of our marriage was because you cheated on me with 4 different men in four months. This week it is because I fell out of love with you! Keep up, would ya?!
###My response:Would you like some cream and sugar with your large cup of insanity? -TinaJust kidding. That’s what I felt like saying.My real response- short and sweet…no engagement:I will see you at the Children's Museum on Saturday and Sunday at 11am. I will plan to pick up the girls at the same location at 5pm on both days. ###One Mom's Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.History of One Mom's Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina's battle spanned from 2009 - 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a "sociopath" and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin's books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles. [wp_ad_camp_1]