I don’t know how much more I can take or how much more I can subject my children to.   What I wouldn’t give to have the Judge witness what his orders are doing to my daughters.

Today was my X’s visitation with the girls: 10am – 4pm.

It’s such a short window of time but so much can go wrong.

I met him at 10am for his visitation.  I continued on to church at 11am– he said he would bring the girls to church at the same time.  He walked into the service about 20 minutes late and oddly enough, sat right in front of me.  He brought my daughters into the main service instead of placing them in Sunday school which I thought was very odd.  He was putting on a show– the good dad bringing his daughters to church for the world to see.

They girls saw me and came running to where I was sitting with a friend.  The girls clung to me during the entire service and halfway through, I mentioned to my daughter that I needed to leave 15 minutes early for an appointment.  I told her that she could sit with my friend or she could go sit with her dad.  She whispered that she didn’t want to go with her dad– that she wanted to stay with my friend.  I was a bit concerned because she looked worried when we made eye contact.

Close to the end of the service, I told the girls that I needed to leave.  My oldest daughter (age 6) started crying.  She said, “Please, Mom….don’t make me go with him” with a look of terror in her eyes.  I walked her into the church lobby and she said it again, “Please don’t make me go, mom” and she was crying harder by this point.  He was furious and started in on me, “PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome), PAS– this is YOUR doing.  You are causing PAS!!!”.  He had a look of rage in his eyes that scared me.  I asked him to stop over and over.  I begged him to stop doing this in front of the girls.  He wouldn’t stop.

By this point, we were outside in front of the church.  I was trying to explain to my daughter that it was only a few more hours.  He kept interrupting me and yelling over me.  He kept telling her, “This is RIDICULOUS.  Knock it off”.  I kept begging and pleading with him to stop.  He grabbed my youngest daughter and started walking ahead of us in the parking lot.  By this point, my youngest daughter was hysterical also.  He kept yelling at me about PAS and about my blog over his shoulder.  Yelling about how ridiculous this was.  Yelling at all three of us- over and over.   I was trying to hold it together for my girls– I didn’t want them to see me cry because I didn’t want to scare them even more.

He placed both girls in his car and sped out of the parking lot like a madman.  I immediately sent his mother a text message– asking her to please contact him and calm him down.  I was terrified that the girls were so upset and that he was acting so crazy.  I cancelled my plans and went looking for the girls at the park he had mentioned going to.  I drove up and down the street and couldn’t find them anywhere.  I drove 40 minutes back to my house to track them with the GPS phone they carry– I needed the peace of mind that came with knowing where they were.  An amazing friend offered to drive out to the beach and ensure that the girls were safe…to give me peace of mind.

Right now, I sit and wait….they are due back to me in 30 minutes.

I hate this feeling and I hate living this way.

I hate what he is doing to my daughters.

I’ve left a message with my daughter’s therapist because this is more than I can handle on my own.


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