I started hearing from people that “X” was adding them as friends on Facebook. Any attractive female who lived in the state of California was a potential “friend” (or victim) to him. One mom stopped me as I dropped my daughter off at preschool and said, “It is so bizarre, your ex-husband keeps trying to add me on Facebook”. Some friends added him just to keep me informed on what he was doing because they knew about our current situation.
My Private Detective Hat: What is a girl to do other than put on her private detective hat. Over the course of our court trials, I had access to his Facebook account through two different friends’ pages. At different times, I actually had their log-in information and could sign in to monitor things. He was so persistent in his communication with one attractive friend that he invited her to an event every other day– he painted a picture of his uber appealing world (he owned homes, businesses, cars, etc yet failed to mention we had lost all of these things). She kept up communication with him for my benefit and eventually, things got so uncomfortable for her that she closed her account and re-opened a more private one.
“X” was supposed to have the girls for his normal visitation at 9am on Saturday, March 19, 2011.
I awoke to a text message at 8:12am– less than an hour before pick-up time. The text message told me to check my email and that he was “sorry” that he needed to cancel. The email cited work-related reasons. He went on to say that he had a series of reports that he had to finish by Monday morning. He would be fired if he didn’t finish these. He made sure to get in his normal “digs” by saying that I was dependent on his income to survive and that I should be grateful that he was taking this weekend to buckle down on work, etc. Luckily, by now these digs were predictable and pathetic to me.
With access to his Facebook account, I was actually able to see that he wasn’t working. He was actively pursuing an expensive wine tasting excursion with my friend in Napa, a 50-mile bike ride, bowling and a night at the local dueling piano bar. His online profile stated the following, “I won’t hesitate to drop everything for the promise of a great time with someone who I enjoy“. That was the most truthful thing that’s left his mouth in years. He will even drop a weekend with his own daughters.
The end result of his failures to show up for visitation were always a mixture of feelings.
- Sadness because he let my daughters down (again).
- Happiness that I wouldn’t have to worry about the girls safety and well-being all weekend.
- Frustration because my plans would have to be rescheduled or cancelled at the very last minute– work assignments, dates with Glenn or plans with friends.
- Disappointment because I kept holding out hope that he would eventually pull it together and put the children before himself.
Can Facebook be used to prove character in divorce court? Absolutely.
One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.
Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.