Bizarro_Logoby Tina Swithin

February 10th, 2014 marked seven months since the girls have seen Seth. Seven months without contact because his ego is bigger than his love for these two little girls. Although he hasn’t seen them in seven months, he still calls once per week. The phone calls are bizarre at best.  Seth weighs in on their extra curricular activities in some calls telling them that he doesn’t agree with horseback riding as it is too dirty.

Back in September, the girls told him that we got a puppy. He asked what kind it was and they told him: a black, female Standard Poodle puppy named Pixie. He laughed in his creepy, weird laugh and asked if they knew that we used to have Standard Poodles (when he and I were married). They did know and said just that.

In January, Seth called and sounded completely manic. Before the girls could even say “hello,” Seth blurted out, “Guess where I am?!” This was the conversation as it unfolded:

“Where?” Piper asks him.

“I am buying a dog right now! Guess what kind?” Seth says

“What kind?”  Piper asks him

“A black, Standard Poodle Puppy. A little girl!” states Seth.

The girls both stare at the phone confused.

“That’s what we have” says Piper

“What?! What did you just say?! Repeat that.  YOU have a black Standard Poodle puppy?!” he asks

“Yes” the girls respond.

Enter twilight zone music here. Glenn and I both remembered the conversation with him back in September. The girls remember the conversation from September. They have both made multiple comments over the past month about how bizarre Seth is.

Last week, Seth called and said he missed the girls. He then said to Piper, “We will have to figure out a way to see each other soon.” She looked at me and rolled her eyes. She is almost 9 and she is incredibly intelligent. She knows that all Seth has to do is fill out the paperwork and arrange a visit. This could be categorized under the titled, “Are you smarter than a third-grader?”

Tonight Seth called and began asking the girls about horseback riding lessons. He asked if they were still doing gymnastics and they said that they weren’t and explained that mom allowed them to do one extracurricular activity at a time to which he replied, “I think you should be able to do anything that you want. You are only a child once and you should be able to do all the activities that you want.” He continued to ramble on this topic for a couple more sentences which I tried to tune out.

Thankfully, I have a court order which allows me to record all of Seth’s calls which originated from the time he called stumbling drunk on Father’s Day. Good times. The calls get filed into the “Bizarro File” to be used later down the line.

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