I finished writing my new book at about 11:56pm on Friday night. I was exhausted after weeks of late nights, trying to keep my day job, being a full time mom/wife and juggling everything else on my plate. I have been feeling drained. Depleted and overwhelmed in all areas of my life. Sending the book to my editor was the light at the end of the tunnel after 6 months of planning and writing.
Lately, I struggle to answer all of the messages that come in and feel guilty about that because I can literally feel the desperation in the emails that I receive. My guilt comes from knowing that someone just sat down and wrote out three pages of their life story yet I don’t know how to find the time to read it let alone give a heartfelt response. I am a fixer and I want to save every person that writes me….I want to save their children. I could use many expletives to tell you how I feel about this system but I know that I don’t have to explain it to you. You know because you are living it in some way. Even if its a past experience, you are still dealing with some type of debris from your battle.
I woke up this morning and didn’t feel like doing anything. I am behind on work, emails and laundry and couldn’t find anything to wear to church….one of those days. I told Glenn I didn’t want to go because I was on the verge of a wardrobe crisis meltdown and he verbalized that he needed to go….and he wanted to go. I threw on an old shirt, leggings and sandals and decided that God really didn’t care what I looked like. In that moment, I realized that Glenn’s prodding was probably for a reason and that today’s message at church was probably a message that I needed to hear.
Sure enough, the Pastor speaking was the same man who married Glenn and I. Pastor Bobby is my hero and leads by example. When I was the women’s shelter in 2009, he pulled out his personal checkbook and gave me $200….but he didn’t even know me. We had never met. All Bobby knew was that I was a single mom and that I was in need. I will never forget that moment and hope to have that impact on others the way Bobby has had on me.
Today’s subject was “The Blessed Life: A Life of Generosity” and it restored me and replenished my soul. I am blessed. The trials and tribulations that I experienced were for a reason and I know that. I know that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and that is the most comforting feeling in the world. I hope to get to a place where I can dedicate myself 100% to this mission and to the people who are feeling desperate and depleted by this battle. I am blessed by the Administrators who help me manage this village, I am blessed by my relationships with the women in The Lemonade Club and I am blessed by each of you who are a part of my journey.
Even when I was a single mom without money for groceries and loosing my car to repossession… I was still blessed and I knew that. I planted seeds of gratitude early in my life and despite what was happening around me, I watered those seeds and nurtured them as they grew.
I am blessed and I am thankful.
As Pastor Bobby said today, “Encouragement and listening is oxygen for the soul.” I believe that and I am thankful to the village of people who come together and encourage each other. Together, we can do this. <3 Tina
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Seeking insight, encouragement and advice while divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle” is available on Amazon or through Barnes & Noble. Learn how to set boundaries and see the narcissist for who he/she really is. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.