Tina, I ran across your blog today, while researching ways to deal with post-divorce co-parenting with a narcissist. I laughed and cried while reading about your journey. My experience is so similiar to yours, I felt I could have written this blog myself. Read More
I have considered doing a blog, but I am afraid my soon to be x will have me back in court (for the gazillionth time) for daring to say a word about the truth of our lives. I think a blog is so healthy, you are a strong amazing woman and mother, please keep on writing and keep up the nearly impossible job of holding it all together for your daughters. I too struggle with a response when my kids “report” events from their dad’s place. We lived such a fake, pretend, rich life and it felt so good to get away from that toxic dysfuntion, but when I have to fake and pretend to my children about my x and what he says and does, because I fear I will again be accused in court of alienating my kids against him/PAS. It feels like I will never escape the duty of putting on a false front. There is a difference between badmouthing and truth, but so often the courts don’t understand or don’t care. Lying to children about an abusive parent does them no good because they will think that behavior is normal. I believe the truth is the best way to a healthy future. Lying, denying and/or surgar coating is not helpful to kids. Our stories are so similar Tina, it’s scary. You have inspired me beyond words. Thank you for sharing your life. Less
Hi Tina, Thank you for doing this blog!! I am in the same situation, and had recently started a blog about coparenting with a narcissist (coparentingwithanarcissist.com), as my way to do as you are – share the story and to focus on the positives in the situation. Read More
I haven’t thought of going pro se, as my ex’s aggressive attorney would have me for lunch. Also, we are in circuit court here for family matters, and when we did our 3 day trial (in 2009) -even with admitting to physically hitting and pushing me- the judge granted my ex his exact visitation schedule. My attorney, who specializes in domestic abuse, was shocked as there were many times that my ex made references that this battle was about getting even with me and not about the kids. My faith keeps my strong, and I believe that there will one day be a time when my children & I are free from this situation. In the meantime, we are dealing with what the cards dealt us and documenting everything so that when the situation is right – I can go back to court. I have linked to your blog from mine (I hope that’s okay).
Thank you for the inspiration! All the best, Natalia. Less
Dealing with my ex’s return from across the country 2-3 times a year is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever endured….besides being married to him!
Every time I read one of your posts I’m sad that I’m reminded of the exact same thing happening to me; the passing of my grandmother was met with “you weren’t that close were you?” then a refusal to join me and my children at the funeral “I have a lot of work to catch up on.” Or how I was CONSTANTLY being accused of sleeping with every man I’ve ever come into contact with. Read More
But, I also get a sense of relief knowing I’m not the only one dealing with someone unstable and delusional…trying to parent with him is like trying to parent with… I don’t even know what kind of person or thing could be so vindictive, mean, and harmful to my kids in a sad attempt to continue to control and belittle me….and then try to find a way to blame me for it.
2 days ago I received an email from him after asking him why he didn’t return my child at the time we’d agreed upon, and my ex launched into how I’ve lost the privilege to be able to speak with him (my ex) face to face since I married the man I was cheating on him with, and the very idea of that was ‘laughable’.
A number of times I’ve wanted to do what you’re doing, start a blog, recount all the crazy making and poor decisions, all the times i should have known better, etc during the 13 years I was married…but every time I try, its just so overwhelming and exhausting to even think about where to start.
So, good for you finding a way to sort through all the madness you’ve been through in order to share it with the world. People like me are always grateful to know we aren’t alone.
I’m remarried to someone who loves me for me, all my weirdness and awesomeness, and i love him more than I ever thought was possible. He is truly my best friend. We are very lucky to have found each other.
Thanks for doing what you’re doing. We all very much appreciate it. Less
I’m at the early stages of separation, although I emotionally checked out of my marriage almost a year ago. My STBX is a narcissistic sociopath; struggles with addictive tendencies surrounding alcohol and pornography. We have a 15.5 month old son. Read More
I got my STBX to agree to a temporary custody agreement that states that we share joint legal custody and that I have primary physical custody. I was also granted permission to relocate from VA to MA to be near my family during this difficult time.
In the 3 months since I left, my STBX has continued my motion for child support twice and refused to file a petition for visitation. I told him 11 times in writing that I would not do visitation without a court ordered visitation agreement or schedule put into place. Christmas came, no petition was filed and I stood my ground. Because of that, he is now of course furious with me and has finally filed a petition for visitation. Contested. Even though we’ve hashed out a draft agreement between our attorney’s over the last month for a couple thousand dollars on my end in attorney fees. He is throwing it all out and wants to fight me in court on everything. My attorney told me today that my refusal to do informal visitation over the holiday’s has “opened a can of worms”, but I know that as soon as I did anything he didn’t agree to the same thing would have happened.
Basically, I’m scared for the future battles, but also determined. I very much want my little boy to build a positive relationship with his father, but I also want his emotional and mental well-being to be safe-guarded utmost and foremost. I fear that standing up for my innocent child to protect him will paint me as a father-hating Mom; and I’m not. I am even getting the feeling from my attorney that she isn’t really listening to me and doesn’t see my STBX for what he really is just yet. I may have to find someone more aggressive and experienced with a narcissistic non-custodial parent and the never-ending drama they inflict in their desperate attempt to have control over the custodial parent. I am finding so much comfort in reading your blog! Might stay up all night to catch up with your story!! Less
GREAT GREAT blog Tina, you are amazing and strong. I found your blog last night and have read your whole story, you are such an inspiration. 🙂 Read More
I left my ex-husband in 2010, and while we did not have children together, I can find a lot of parallels in our experiences at times it was like I was reading my own story.
Thank you for having the strength to blog about this, I am so confident that you will help many others. Less