When does it end?  That is a question that I ask myself often.  It’s a question that my loved ones ask of me.  It’s a loaded question.  I have accepted that until my daughters are grown; the battle will never completely end. I have accepted that.

I want to clarify one thing: Acceptance doesn’t mean allowing myself to be victimized. It does allow me to set personal boundaries and have a plan in place of how I am going to react to things as they come up.   I am done being a victim.  I get to choose my reaction and I get to decide how each new event will affect me.

The real question is when does this end or where does it go from here?  Over the past five months, I have opened a window into my life.  I have gone back in time and written my story for the world to read.  I continue to write my story as it unfolds.  I have experienced healing, knowledge and new friendships.  While unexpected, lots of good has come from the rubble of my divorce and custody battle.

There are a few websites and Facebook sites that I follow which pertain to NPD.  One such Facebook page is After Narcissistic Abuse- There is Light, Life and Love.  I reader posed a good question which appeared on their Facebook page today:

I am reaching a point where I feel my healing has progressed to a point where even discussing anything narcissist is keeping some shred of thought of her in my mind.  When is the right time to let go of a narc by taking the step of not even discussing them on forums?  At what point do we draw the line with having been involved with a narcissist? Is it when we feel safe enough to heed the narcissist in everyday life? Is it when we’re over the hurt, pain & grieving?  Is it when we’re finally able to go No Contact without them dragging us into court with their lies / battle for control?

My thoughts:

I have pondered this topic often.  I don’t allow this topic to consume my life– it is shelved for my blog and my Facebook page. I feel like I can help others who are walking in my former shoes. I remember the desperation and feelings of isolation– while I had a huge network of friends, not one person could understand what I was going through. Everyone said the same thing, “Why can’t you two just put the kids first and get along“…that simple statement caused my pain and isolation to increase 100 times over.  I cringed as the same question was asked of Christie Brinkley on the Today Show.  People have no idea what it is like and victims are met with harsh judgement.  The idea of helping others who feel isolated and alone is worth letting this topic occupy a small place on my shelf.

Not an entire shelf — a place on a shelf. 

What next?

  • I will continue to blog and to share my story as it develops.
  • I am writing a book to help others who have fallen victim to a Narcissist.
  • I will continue to help other women with advice and inspiration as needed.
  • I will work to ensure that my experiences in the court system were not in vain.  I will work to ensure that your experiences in the court system were not in vain.  I will work to spread awareness, educate the media, the public and eventually the Family Court System.
  • I will continue to be the voice for my daughters until they are able to defend themselves.
  • I will continue to smile, live in gratitude and have faith that I was given this life because I was strong enough to live it.

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