“The definition of insanity is repeating the same mistakes over and over again and expecting different results”. The origin of this quote is interesting and has been pinned to several notable people however, my research shows that the first time it was ever used was in literature from Narcotics Anonymous. Wherever the quote originated from, I love it.
One thing that I pick up on is the guilt that I hear from women who fell for men with Narcissist Personality Disorder.
Here are my thoughts on the topic: we all have some type of past baggage whether it be from a horrific childhood to parents who gave you everything. It could be from a childhood best friend who wronged you or the bullies on the playground. I have always committed myself to looking at the mistakes I’ve made and analyzing the “hows and whys” of each situation. This commitment allows me to avoid making the same mistake twice. I’ve also learned (over time) to tune into the “ah ha!” moments and to listen to my inner voice or gut feeling.
Narcissists have a way of honing in on your “wound”, whatever it may be and morphing themselves into your band-aid. They are charming, charismatic and they sell you on a world that seems too good to be true. The theory is great but the problem is that world only exists in their mind. It can take weeks to see their lies unraveling or it can take years. There are yellow flags, orange flags and red flags. In the past, I ignored each flag because I wanted to believe the best in him. I wanted to believe that he really was who he claimed to be. I didn’t understand Narcissism or that a person could truly be this sick.
One of the topics that I hope to tackle in my new book is this:
How did an intelligent, strong, independent woman fall prey to this man? What is wrong with you?
My goal is to share my story- how I became involved with this man. The red flags that I saw in the beginning but swept under the rug due to his charm. He was charming 75% of the time and I chose to ignored the other 25%. Unfortunately, the percentages began to shift until the red flags far outweighed the positive, charismatic side of him. I want to give hope to someone in the same situation because I was able to escape and by all accounts, I have educated myself, become empowered and aside from this hellish custody battle, I am thriving. My goal is to educate the general public, the media and the Family Court System.
Forgive yourself. I did.
You aren’t the first person to fall for this type of person and unfortunately, you won’t be the last. If we continue to share our stories and our experiences, we will educate the next generation of women (and men) on Sociopaths and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.
Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.