My Disclaimer: Religion = touchy subject.  It’s a subject that I try to steer clear of when writing my blog.  I have my personal beliefs but I have the utmost respect for the beliefs (or non-beliefs) of others.  I don’t think that my way is the only way– I believe that every religion is bonded by one underlying foundation or goal: love.  My goal is to not offend people who have different opinions when it comes to religion as I am nowhere near perfect nor do I want to be perfect (boring!).  I am a work in progress in many areas of my life.

With that said,  I was in church this morning and our pastor was discussing community and love.  He explained that maturity has nothing to do with age.  Maturity has to do with learning to accept responsibility for your actions.  He then went onto say that he has encountered some teenagers who were more mature than grown adults.  What a coincidence- me too!  🙂

With that last comment, my mind immediately went to Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  I have heard so many people (including mental health professionals) equate Narcissists to mentally ill 6-year old children.  They are stuck and unable to mature.  For a moment, I felt very sorry for my X and all Narcissists.  I didn’t feel sorry for them in the normal sense of the word but in general, it is a pity that they aren’t able to experience the things that I value most in life.  I can’t imagine living life without really knowing how to love or be loved.  I can’t imagine lacking compassion for a person struggling because my first reaction is to reach out a helping hand.  I feel fulfilled when I have helped someone.

What is life without love, compassion and relationships with those in your neighborhood, community, family or workplace?  I guess that in many ways, I gained a new perspective today when it comes to Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  If I force myself to step back for a moment and contemplate the reality, I have held him in my mind as this evil monster (and I still do) but how is it different from a person with schizophrenia or another mental illness?  In some ways, it is worse because there is no treatment.  He will never accept that there is something wrong with him because he operates in his own delusional, sad, empty world.  I’ve been in “battle mode” for so long that I’ve never really thought about it from this angle.  It’s quite sad.

Does this new revelation change anything for me?  No.  I will still continue to fight with every ounce of my being in an effort to protect my daughters.    I think back to a card given to me by my church last year that said, “May you always have the courage to set boundaries and do whatever it takes to protect your daughters.”  I will always set boundaries and I will always fight to protect my daughters.

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