girl under bedI hated having my hair brushed as a little girl. I remember hiding under the bed as a small child whenever my stepmother wanted to brush my hair.  I knew that if I went far enough into the back corner, she couldn’t get to me.

For as long as I can remember, Seth controlled my financial world.  During our marriage, we never merged finances and I always maintained my own checking account although it was never really mine.  It had my name printed on the checks but in order for those checks to work, I had to ask him for money.  It wasn’t that I didn’t work- we ran a business together and I worked my pale little arse off.  He controlled everything and put money in my account as needed.  He gave me credit cards and he handled the financial aspect of those cards along with all of our bills.

Since our separation and divorce, Seth has become the master at holding finances over my head and previously, it worked.  I was still dependent on him for child support.  Some people struggle with body issues and I struggle with money issues.  I don’t have a spending addiction or anything of the sort but the mere topic of money or finances triggers post traumatic stress from the financial roller coaster that Seth put us through during our marriage.

I can’t even remember how many jobs Seth has lost since our divorce. His jobs last 3- 6 months and then the countdown begins. I discovered at the beginning of this year that Seth lost his job (again). I have received that same phone call many times since our divorce began in 2009. For the first time, I didn’t panic. I knew that we would be okay.

I found out this week with the help of a private investigator that Seth is heading to Cancun (the “out of state” wedding for which he cancelled his weekend visitation) this weekend.  At his last visitation, he arrived in a new car.  These two things are interesting given that he hasn’t made a full child support payment since February.  Priorities, right? I received a call yesterday from Child Support Services stating that Seth had actually been employed since March and that they had caught up with him again- and were successful in attaching his wages.

I felt like that little girl under the bed again.  I had managed to stay out of his reach this time.  His job loss doesn’t affect me anymore.  I have worked so hard to get to this place- it’s taken four years but I am out of his reach.

Seth has nothing to hold over my head anymore.

That is an amazing feeling.

It’s empowering.

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Click the link to purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle.”  You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive (and thrive!) while divorcing of co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and you will begin to heal.



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