Lately, I’ve been receiving emails, comments and messages from readers all over the world.  99% of these messages are very positive and 1% of these usually fall into the “delete” category.

100% of the messages motivate me to keep writing and telling my story.  I wanted to share one that came through last week in which the reader questioned my motivation and direction.

Hi Tina- This is not meant to cause you further pain. I just came across your blog and find it to be disturbing.

Wouldn’t this all be best handled in a private journal and through personal counseling? Do you really think that disparaging your ex is going to help and protect your children? He is their father for God’s sake. I pray for you that you will see the light and close your blog. Do continue to fight for improved Family Court services. That is where you have a noble cause.  Airing out your dirty laundry on the Internet, where it will reside forever, is just plain wrong regardless of your truth! I will pray for you and your children. –Mia

Dear Mia- I also find my blog to be disturbing.  The most disturbing thing to me is that I have a blog in the first place.  Had the court system done its job and protected my daughters, I would have nothing to write about.

To answer your questions- I do keep a private journal and I also attend personal counseling for the details that I am unable to share publicly.  These two things help me process the hell that I’ve endured for many years.  The blog is a “glimpse” into my life but by no means is it the entire story.

The blog isn’t about disparaging my X.  His name is not mentioned and I use my maiden name in the blog.  The blog is my journey- my story.  I write because there are other women out there who are walking in my shoes from three years ago.  I wish that I had been able to connect with another person back then who understood what I was going through– I would have felt less alone.  My therapist couldn’t relate to my story because it was that crazy.  My friends who had been through divorce couldn’t relate to my story because this isn’t about divorce— this is about divorcing a narcissist.  The formation of this blog and the research on Narcissism has helped me tremendously.  The knowledge that I’ve gained allows me to help others and it allows me to help my daughters establish boundaries and a voice.  With this information, I can ensure that they won’t be manipulated by anyone in their life—including their father.

Thank you for your concerns- I have seen the light and it’s shining bright in my life despite the shadows.  I promise to continue to fight for change in the Family Court System and this will become my life mission.  I am actually contemplating the start-up of a non-profit organization to assist victims and to educate the court system.  Christie Brinkley was first able to shed light on this disorder when she was re-victimized by Matt Lauer on the Today Show.  Since then, I have connected with so many others who work to spotlight Narcissistic Personality Disorder and together, we will work to make changes.

I don’t feel like I am “airing my dirty laundry”.  I feel that I am helping other individuals by giving them hope that they can regain the power that they lost at the hands of a narcissist.  I feel that by keeping my laundry tucked in a dark closet, I am doing a disservice to others.  I think that these hidden secrets are part of what is wrong with the world.  If people were able to be real and honest about what is happening in their lives then the world would be a better place for all of us.  I spent ten years of my life “playing pretend”, being a victim and worrying about what the neighbors would think.

I don’t plan to waste another minute doing that.

In Love, Tina


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