First, I would like to say that it is great to have these types of websites. When you are dealing with someone who has a personality disorder, it seems that people just do not understand. They have no idea what it is like. I try and tell myself “I’d like to see how they would handle what I have been through.”
I am currently in the middle of divorcing my husband who has a personality disorder. I am not sure which one or if he has a few of the traits from them all. He has not been seen by someone because of course, he does not have a problem. I have been in therapy for a year and my therapist told me that what I have gone through, they see this type of abuse from people in prison…not very comforting…
I was with my husband for 29 years. 22 of those years married. I also knew that there was something not right. But like most of us I attributed it to his “up bringing.” His father is a bishop (strict Pentecostal) and according to my ex he was abused as a child. I believe that he was, as his sister confirms the bad upbringing as well as his older brother left the house at 16. When I look back and remember how he was also making sure no one messed with me, that he would take care of me, it was not because he cared, it was about control.
I did not see the signs (or I did but refused to see them). I was a very shy and insecure young woman when we met. I was taunted in school for being ugly and I had not confidence. Here is this wonderful looking guy , who all the girls just loved, and he wanted to be with me.. if only my eyes had opened just a little to see….
Anyway, as time went on, we moved out, had two boys and even though I knew the way he was at times was not right, I still played a blind eye. There were good times, but I wonder if the good times were because I basically was doing what he wanted. Then toward the last 10 years or so, he would accuse me of cheating, bringing up my past boy friends before we were even together. I know he had a an affair because I found the evidence . But of course he lied and said nothing happened… woman know, they just know.. plus the email about being your lover and friend… well that kinda says it all..
My story is long and abusive, so I will not go into every detail. But I was abused mentally and my boys were too. I finally said enough when he took my car and cell phone away for two weeks to teach me a lesson.. because I would not do want he wanted. He then turned worse, with tracking my car and listening to my conversations while I was driving. It took a long time for me to realize that he has a personality disorder. There are even some days where I have to remind myself that all the horrible abuse happened. But I am getting stronger day by day.
I left the house 9 months ago and my boys followed shortly after and live full time with me. They do not want anything to do with him at this time as they saw the abuse their father inflicted on me as well as the abuse they suffered at his hands.
Now I am in the middle of the divorce and lawyer crap. Of course he is trying to take everything possible that he can from me. But there is one thing he can’t take and that is my life and freedom. Which means more to me than anything else. I wish not harm to him (well some days I have bad thoughts) but in general I want no harm to him. I will let the universe and God handle him… I on the other end will continue to re-build my life for me and my boys… #ijustwantpeace