In my new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”, I went back and shared my initial meeting with Seth and our courtship. I shared how I was wooed by his charm (thoughtful cards, poems, letters, flowers and more). I also created something called, “Red Flag Reflections” which were the obvious warnings that I chose to ignore. The red flags were there but I looked the other way.
Part of this journey (for me) has been about owning and accepting my part in my relationship with Seth. I am also committed to learning from it and growing as a result of it. While we ALL have threads of narcissism running through our veins- I can now identify what is healthy narcissism and what isn’t. I know when to lace up my shoes and run like the wind.
Here is one such “Red Flag Reflection” which was annoying and bothersome in the beginning but it became a huge issue throughout our relationship. It was also something that bothered me about Seth’s family. Anyone who met them would be left with the impression that they were kind, compassionate and yet behind closed doors they were critical and condescending.
We first stopped at a grocery store where Seth and his brother spent hundreds of dollars on food and alcohol before proceeding to Walmart, where they bought nearly everything under the sun. They seemed to be highly entertained by making rude comments about the customers in Walmart. It bothered me greatly but I pushed it aside.
- Red Flag Reflection: The fine art of ridiculing others is usually left on the elementary school playground. It is highly disturbing when grown men seem to take such pleasure in it. Over time, this became a very contentious issue in our relationship.
What were your top three “Red Flag Reflections”? I think that the path to healing (and ensuring that you don’t make the same mistake twice) involves a lot of reflection and ownership of your part of the problem. While it bothered me greatly that Seth often made fun of people, it took me many months before I spoke up.
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To purchase Tina’s new book, “Divorcing a Narcissist- One Mom’s Battle”, click here. You will find insight, red flag reflections and strategies on how to survive while divorcing a narcissist or co-parenting with a narcissist. Tired of panicking at the site of a new email from the narcissist in your inbox? Learn how to decode the emails and see them for what they are. You will learn to forgive yourself and to begin healing.