He would arrive at 10pm Friday nights and leave on Sunday morning. We co-existed in the same house and even went to Disneyland together for my daughters’ birthday. Being at the Happiest Place on Earth didn’t even make me happy. I was living a pretend life and needed to make changes. How long could I keep doing this? I knew the answer: not long.
The weekend routine sucked- there is no way to sugar coat it. I felt like I “needed” to stay there. He was drinking a lot to deal with the issues at hand and I had never been away from my daughters. I felt stuck. I didn’t want to be in the same house with him yet I didn’t know what to do.
One Friday night, I had just finished a three-day medical procedure which left me very ill. Under the covers with the chills, a horrible headache and zero energy. I was actually happy that he would be arriving to “take over” with the children as my youngest daughter had a double ear infection. I heard him come home and an hour later, I heard the sliding glass door open and shut. I heard his truck start and I heard him drive away.
I stayed up most of the night with my little girl and her fever. Tears streaming down my cheeks. I knew I couldn’t live with the drinking anymore– or the lies. I couldn’t live the lie that we were living. I was done. He never came home that night. The next morning, he didn’t show up to take the girls to their gymnastics class. He was hungover and admitted that he has stayed with a “divorcee” the night before.
I was angry. I was angry that he had the luxury of “choosing” when to be around with no regard for me or my daughters. I was angry at the lack of caring and selfishness. I was angry with the drinking to “cope” with problems and the lack of consideration. That night ended our weekend “arrangement” and I knew that I needed to start the process of a less toxic living arrangement. I wanted him to be responsible. I wanted him to be a dad. He had never owned that role. I wanted him to WANT to be a dad to these amazing little girls.
One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.
Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.