Sometime time really seems to fly by.  The past few weeks have gone too fast.

I had a small victory in January when the judge revoked my X’s visitation rights pending the “next” hearing.  The time has come– the next hearing is right in front of me.  It’s on Wednesday.

Prior to January, my X’s visitation had been every other weekend (no overnights).  Saturday from 10am to 4pm and Sunday from 10am to 4pm.  I normally go through a roller coaster of emotions in between visits.  The roller coaster goes something like this:

1. Monday morning after a visitation weekend: huge relief.  My girls are home.  They are safe.  I usually feel emotionally drained by the time they are back in my car.

2. The week after a visit: Normalcy.  Routine.  Happiness.  Laughter.

3. The week before a visit: Anxiety (me).  Fear and uncertainty because the next visit is right around the corner.

4. The days prior to the visit: More anxiety. The stress of worrying about what damage he can inflict on my daughters in a short window of time.

5. The visits: A total of 12 hours in a weekend and an amazing amount of damage that can be done in that small amount of time.  Hitting my daughter, driving them without a license, taping photos of me on his fireplace mantel or calling me “T-Rex“.  I am haunted weekly by the visits and the emotional scars that my daughters receive at his hand.

6.  Repeat.

I begin to mentally prepare for yet another court date.  I am asking for a reduction in visits and I am requesting supervised visits.  I am angry and I am tired of the ups and downs.  I am tired of worrying about my daughters.  I am praying that the courts will put my daughters’ best interests first.


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