Tina's Story

Twisting Reality and Standing in the Truth

No matter how innocent the communication is with Seth, I inevitably open myself to an attack.  If I ask for health insurance cards and then thank him for complying, I receive the type of email that I got Friday night.

If I ask Seth to switch visitation times by 15 minutes, it opens the door for him to attack my weight, education and the little freckle on my left foot.  It’s exhausting.  On Halloween night, I sent Seth a text message photo of the girls dressed up in their costumes.  Less than 24 hours later, he sent me another rambling, attacking email.

This was a snippet of his email to show how he can twist reality: 

Tina- Now that I have reviewed your blog, it shows you are suffering from severe mental issues and you need therapy.  You showed up at at a “Broadway Show” and asked Christie Brinkley to “autograph” your divorce papers, then you “burst into tears”.  This is absolutely tell tale of your lack of emotional stability.  Tina you are inflicting a split household on our children because that is how you grew up, with feelings of abandonment from your mother, raised by just your father. Your mother suffered from “bipolar personality disorder”  tis is a gentically transferable condition and you may have this diagnosis as well Tina. -Seth

Twisting reality: While I empathize with the woman who DID cry over her divorce papers, it wasn’t me.  It does however, demonstrate exactly  how he twists reality to suite the world that he has created in his head.  Here is the quote from Christie Brinkley that he is referencing:

It was an honor for me to meet Tina Swithin.  Every day she is helping women get through a painful period of their life.  Last night after my Broadway show, I was greeted at the stage door by  a woman who gave me her divorce papers to autograph.  I asked her if she was ok and a flood of tears ensued.  I understood.  I told her to look up, “One Mom’s Battle” and that she would find great advice to help her get through divorcing a Narcissist.  Thank you, Tina for creating a wonderful resource to share!!!!  -Christie Brinkley

Any attempt on my part to facilitate peaceful communication is attacked and quite honestly, it gets old.  Co-parenting is a joke and the insinuation of parental alienation syndrome is even more ridiculous.  The definition of co-parenting in my situation would mean that I get to duck and cover while he throws verbal punches until I am so beaten down that I can’t stand up.  I will sell my spot to the highest bidder.  Anyone?  Anyone?

I needed to hear my Aunt’s words of wisdom last night: “Let the truth be your foundation“.  My Aunt didn’t give birth to me but she is my mom.  She knows me better than anyone in this world and I keep every pep talk from her close to my heart.  Everyone needs an “Aunt Bev” in their life and in case you don’t have an Aunt Bev, I will share her 🙂

Disclaimer before you read further: I am not a religious person but I do have a strong relationship with God.  I only stepped foot in a church for the first time 4 years ago and my church has since become my lifeline.  I respect everyone’s beliefs and orientation — even if you worship pink leprechauns or three legged ladybugs.  Once in a while, I will share things that happened to me in church.  Today is one of those days so if you are offended, please cover your eyes, stick two fingers in your ears or hold your nose (ha!).

Today’s service was about being under attack by scheming, lies and fear.  In one portion, the pastor discussed enemies scheming to harm Nehamiah and his response was, “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down.  Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?

The pastor then went onto to discuss the opposition lying and that you should continue to stand in the truth.  When Nehamiah heard the lie, he replied, “Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head.”  (At this point, I understood the very vocal, emotionally charged worshipers that I’ve seen on television.  I was half-way concerned that I was about to stand up and start speaking in tongues….humor…stay with me….)

Whatever your beliefs, I hope that you can sift through to the message as I did.  The pastor said that in any situation such as the one described, you should say to yourself, “Time out!  What is the reality here?”  I needed that today more than ever.  I am going to continue to operate from truth and I am confident that everything will be fine.

Stand in the truth.  Build your foundation on the truth.  Speak the truth even if your voice shakes.


One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.

Tina Swithin: Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.






9 thoughts on “Twisting Reality and Standing in the Truth

  1. Tina,
    Any email to my ex seems to be an open invitation for an all out verbal assault on me. Then he ridicules me for being “weird” and blocking his emails. I have warned him over and over that I will not accept these abusive emails. He denies there is anything unusual about them so I took 3 of the most recent to a psychologist for evaluation. The results? This is an extremely controlling person. He is very bitter. I would go on to say that he feels hatred towards you and his only goal is to hurt you in anyway he can. Advice from psychologist? Block this jerks emails, which is what I have been doing and trying to get him to text instead but no, he thinks that is too controlling on my part and refuses to communicate about the children unless I allow him to email me. I get sick to my stomach when I see an email from him in my in box.

  2. Exactly. That is why his PAS claims are so bogus and will end up making him look ridiculous. I have reached out to include him so many times and unless I want to live my life as a punching bag, I need boundaries.

  3. I know we can all relate, because this is one of those silly things they all do while announcing how ‘unique’ they are.

    One thing that really made an impact on me, when I was a young kid in church, the assistant pastor told me: ‘what’s true is true, doesn’t matter who believes it. Its true if you believe it, and its true if you don’t believe it. Its true if others believe it, and its still true even if others do not believe it.’

    Just keep reminding yourself, ‘What’s true is true’.

  4. Excellent post, Tina. It’s so funny how the emails you’ve shared have a very similar “voice” as my X (and all your other readers’, I’m sure.) You can just hear the condescension dripping from them. “They know best.” So yes, they are all unique while all acting exactly the same.

    I’m a Christian too and loved the quote from Nehemiah. My X, who only went to church with me if I dragged him and complained the whole time, has taken to spouting sanctimonious “prayers for peace” of his own creation via email and trying to use my faith to make me feel guilty. But like you, I know the truth, and so does God.

    Stay strong.

  5. Stand firm in your faith and do not apologize for your beliefs. My faith has led me here…or I would have perished. I have become stronger and now we must stand together to change the system. I was just found guilty on 6/25 counts of contempt my EX brought before the court. No evidence, or what I admitted to became twisted and used against me. I took my day of sulking, then put my big girls panties and went to services that night. Christ did not get flogged in vein. We will not get flogged in public viewing without making it count for others to benefit.

  6. His abuse comes out very clearly in his email. I hope the evaluator has a chance to see his emails! You’re co-parenting while he’s abusing.

    The email shows that he’s melting down before the evaluation. It has nothing to do with you. Though you should not receive emails like this in the first place. It’s harassment. What a bully!

  7. I can relate completely! Any communication whatsoever leads to an email assault. I have been accused of being non-communicative in regards to the kids/school. He actually told the court that I have blocked him from contacting the school for information– as if I have that kinds of power- I WISH! It’s his excuse for being a lazy father who wants everything handed to him so he doesn’t have to lift a finger- or a phone. So I made a very concerted amicable effort to inform him of all doings with the school (working towards getting our youngest an IEP) and EVERY single conversation turns into him blaming me for everything and yelling at me about court stuff until I hang up. Then I get assaulted by nasty emails.
    So… on my iphone his number is listed as “DO NOT ANSWER THIS” to remind not to answer no matter what- he can leave a message. And I have labeled his email address as SPAM. This automatically puts his email in a SPAM folder. Then my best friend- bless her heart- checks the folder for me to determine if it should go to the lawyer, if it needs a response or just gets filed in the A$%#Hole folder in case I need it later in court. Now I can check my own email without a stomach ache wondering if another N attack is lurking there.

  8. I have finally found my sisterhood. (exhale) This is my story. You all are my story. You UNDERSTAND. I have dear dear wonderful friends and family members that love me and support me, but noone REALLY knows exactly….I am two years past a divorce with three amazing kids. I knew that divorcing him would mean dealing with him as even more of an enemy and I have no regrets, but good GOD sometimes it’s hard. Thank you for everything you have shared.

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