As we all know, there are incredible highs that come with the small victories and equally incredible lows that seem to be part of the territory when divorcing a narcissist, sociopath or any other Cluster B personality disorder. Over the past two years, I have made contact with a total of four individuals who reached out to me in an effort to help me protect my daughters. These are my small victories– people who come forward because they want to help me to protect my little girls. These are people whom I’ve never met but we share one common bond: we have all been victimized by my X.
Being Grateful: Sometimes I have a difficult time expressing my deep gratitude for the angels in my life. This past week was a great example. I have been trying to serve my X with contempt paperwork. The papers need to be served in person and there is a strict time frame. He is evasive and uses multiple addresses. Through this “inner circle” of people (angels), I was not only able to determine where my X now resides (in a new luxury condo) but I found out the exact hotel and room number where my X was spending the week in Southern California. In just a few short hours, I was able to hire a process server in that area who staked out his hotel room and caught him on his way to his conference/work training. Contempt papers served- check!
Feeling Overwhelmed: I have a handful of close friends who are fighting for their children. I know these women and I know their children- I take their plights seriously and I worry about them. I wish I could do more. My heart cheers with each victory and breaks with each set back. I have become close with many of you who follow my blog and I know your stories intimately. I pray for you and your children and I cheer you on from afar. I find myself worrying at 3am about people who I’ve never met but I find myself deeply touched by your stories and battles.
Finding Peace: I get overwhelmed at times because I want to do so much yet I feel so limited by our system. It reminds me of that dream when you find yourself stuck in quicksand but you are desperately trying to run. The court system can be like quicksand and I feel stuck the majority of the time. I am coming back feeling renewed and refreshed after an extended weekend of peace, fun and family time. I was able to escape for four days with my siblings, their spouses and all of our children. It was the first time in a very long time when I unplugged and was present in the moment. It was heaven.
This weekend was a reminder that despite all of the stressful demands that we face while divorcing a narcissist, it is imperative that we make time to find peace each day…even if that is quite time in the shower when we can calm our minds and recount the positive aspects of life. One of my favorite quotes is, “There is always something to be thankful for- always!”.
One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.
Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.