by Admin Laura B.

Let’s Talk About Gray Rock…

I am making this post to be helpful, not to criticize or single anyone out.

I see a lot of talk about gray rock communication when it comes to dealing with a Cluster B personality disordered individual and get the feeling many of you are not grasping what it is. I see that some are straying in keeping up with that concept when interacting, or hopefully more often, not interacting with an exN. Sadly, what I am seeing are people swearing up and down that they are gray rocking when they are really engaging, arguing, defending, etc,.

What Gray Rock Is Not: (While I may not hit upon every single example, I will try to list the more important ones.)

  • Unless your court order has a specific time limit for when you must respond to your ex or it is an emergency, Gray Rock is NOT responding immediately, in a few hours, or even in the same day. Gray Rock IS taking 24-48 hours to decide whether exN needs a response and how you will give the most boring of responses ever.
  • Gray Rock is NOT defending every little stupid accusation exN throws your way. Unless you are being accused of abuse, neglect or something equally as alarming, you do not need defend yourself.
  • Gray Rock is NOT answering sarcastically, snarky or any other way in a passive aggressive manner.
  • Gray Rock is NOT writing a novel to exN when most of the time you should only be writing Post-It sized notes, meaning anything that can’t fit on a little sticky note probably shouldn’t be included in the email. 2-3 sentences max.
  • Gray Rock is NOT being inconsistent in how you communicate. Always in writing, short and boring.
  • Gray Rock is NOT having a whole conversation via text or email or 3rd part communication site. This person is not your friend.
  • I encourage others to share your own, “What Gray Rock Is Not.”

For those who are having trouble with the concept of Gray Rock, I invite you to, Be The Sand…

A kid has a bouncy ball and goes over to the sand to play with his ball, hoping to make it bounce. What happens? The ball cannot bounce on the sand. The kid tries and tries to bounce his ball in the sand. Eventually, he becomes tried of bending over to retrive the ball and moves onto a different surface. This time, he finds a square of pavement. What happens? The ball is bouncing back to him.  Now, picture that the kid is your exN, the ball are the emails from exN and you can either be the sand, or the pavement… BE THE SAND. Be so boring that exN will get tired of bending over to pick up that ball and move on to a supply that will continue to bounce back and engage.



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