Shared by Anonymous
My ex-husband and I were married for 15 year and together for 18 years. He was the perfect boyfriend…I remember telling him I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. He was from a good family, masters educated with a good profession. We didn’t live together prior to marriage and it was only after we were married that the cracks in the mask began to show…. but they were somewhat tolerable cracks. Fires I could put out. Lies he always had a story to cover for. Then our oldest son was born in 2009 and things truly started to fall apart.
After our youngest son was born in 2012 things were awful. He was no longer my primary focus and he was so jealous of the love and attention I gave to our sons. I was also working FT while he began a long string of intermittent unemployment – job termination was always someone else’s fault, of course. His first arrest for DV was in 2012 when my youngest was less than 2 weeks old – he assaulted me while he was in a baby carrier on my body with our 2 year old at my side. He came groveling back after being released from jail and I took him back… I had a toddler and a newborn and I felt trapped.
The next 3 years were horrible – but mostly mental and psychological abuse. The final straw came with another DV arrest in 2015, again in front of the kids – he was removed from our home and this is where the true nightmare began. Three years, countless court dates, paying HIM post separation support and child support despite a DV charge and me having 70% custody in our temporary parenting agreement. I was able to get a children’s council appointed (this was KEY!!!) – his lawyer argued against it saying I was just trying to complicated things and add cost for him. He was reported to DSS 4 times by OTHER people – useless investigations that led to me looking like the crazy one.
Three emergency custody motions denied. He was engaged to another woman prior to our divorce even being finalized. I am sure he was the perfect boyfriend to her too. Then she broke up with him last summer and thankfully he lost it – the cycle of narcissistic insult once again started on her – he broke into her home, her car, stalked her and her children. Many of the same things he did to me, but this time the police believed her because she was not in a custody case with him – the courts saw me as the crazy Mom making up lies about this man just to gain custody. But once the cycle repeated with another woman and he was arrested 1/2 dozen times in a few weeks they finally started to believe me. Another DENIED emergency custody motion but my TPA was reviewed and his time with my boys was limited… though still unsupervised.
He was fired by his second attorney and forced to represent himself, which isn’t necessarily a good thing because now his court time was free to him. And being unemployed for 6+ months all he had was time…. He had an ankle monitor and an evening curfew based on charges from this other woman… and yet still had unsupervised time with the boys! Then he broke the terms of the curfew and the other woman’s protective order and landed in jail for a month. I had a One Mom’s Battle education package sent to the judge, my lawyer and the children’s council then filed a FOURTH motion for emergency custody as he was about to be released and the judge FINALLY granted it.
In court a few weeks later he was ordered 1 hour a week of supervised visitation at a safe exchange center. His access to the boys school had been previously limited due to his behavior at their school but he was still given access to them at school events. The nightly calls as ordered in our TPA continued… these calls were used by him to gather information about ME – where we were, who we were with, where we were going the next day. He followed me in my car, showed up places we were and after a call to police he was arrested for stalking and I had (my 4th) temporary protective order issued. None of the other 3 were continued past the initial 10 days…. remember I was the crazy woman making all of these thing up before. A sheriff showed up at my door a few nights before my protective order hearing to inform me that HE filed for a protective order against ME! Two pages of total lies… the protective order was denied but I still had to go to court and defend these attacks – this was yet another form of abuse and harassment.
But now, after he began to deconstruct, I hoped the judge would see things differently. And she DID!!! Last week the NO contact protective order was continued for a year – no contact with the boys, me or their school for a YEAR except for weekly one hour supervised visits at a safe exchange center. I feel like I have been released from a long, dark prison. Three years of court battles, over $100k and countless years of misery I put up with because of the fear of losing time with my boys. And while I know this is not over, it is tolerable for now. Do not give up! Persist! Be the bigger person and make conscious choices led by integrity and not revenge, believe in karma, do NOT let him engage you – do your best to be boring to him, do the right thing, live through hope and not fear. On a call with Tina once she said the words to me “KNOW YOUR TRUTH” – I have repeated those words countless times to myself everyday and even in court proceedings. Take care of yourself – to be strong and persevere for your children you need to fill your tank. I credit yoga, meditation, wonderful and supportive friends, family and community, self care on many levels with this ability to see this through! You can do this warrior Mamas!