I received a very kind and heartfelt email from a friend who read my blog today for the first time. Then she asked me a good question– “In your perfect world– what do you want? What is your desired custody arrangement if the court stepped aside and you were in control?”
In my perfect world…what do I want?
I want to know that my daughters are safe (physically and mentally) when they are being cared for by their father. In my perfect world, their father puts them and their best interests first. In my perfect world, my X gets the help that he needs so that he can be the type of dad that my daughters deserve. In my perfect world, my X is an active participant and co-parent to the girls. In my perfect world, my daughters are never held to the standards of perfection that was expected of me when married to their father. In my perfect world, my daughters feel happy, loved and accepted no matter who they become or what they do in life.
Until that happens, the perfect visitation arrangement (in my opinion) is the one that is currently in place: four days per month from 10am-4pm. This allows the girls to know their father and have a relationship with him but there are limitations.
My goal isn’t to keep my daughters from their father— it’s to protect them from the dysfunction and shelter them from the things they’ve endured for the past three years. They get to spend time with their dad but they get to sleep in their own bed each night. For now, this is my perfect world.
One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.
History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.
Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat. Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.