Tina's Story

Brother A

OSC-– a term that was foreign to me.  It means, “Order to Show Cause”. 

In “human-speak”, it means: “Dear Judge– Please add me to the court calendar because something needs to change- now”.

The term isn’t foreign to me anymore.  In all honesty, I feel like we’ve had an OSC on the court calendar every other month for two years.  The Commissioner probably cringes when he sees our name.  If there was ever a case on his desk that he’d hope to transfer to another judge– it’s ours.

I received notification that Seth had added an OSC to the calendar.  Basically, he wanted the order lifted that currently prevented our daughters from being in the presence of his older brother.  There were strict guidelines in our Parenting Agreement on when our children could be near “Brother A”  (There are four brothers in the family– I’ve fought hard to protect my children from “Brother A” and will continue to do so).  The visits were limited to four annual holidays and my ex-mother-in-law needed to be present.

What are the issues you are probably asking?  Here are excerpts from a letter that my ex-husband wrote to his mother  a few years ago about “Brother A” and why we didn’t want our daughters around him.  It sums up many of the issues– but not all.  I have removed names from the email:

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Hi Mom,  I left (Brother A) a message early last week on his cell. Once a year or so I encourage him to write an apology and let ”by gones be by gones”.  His anger, comments about ”fags” and fat women, resentment towards me (likely a deep rooted jealousy of my career success, finding a cute blond girlfriend that he deliberately tried to sabotage, credit ability etc.) and his poor judgement. His beating dogs which our daughter repeated for two weeks.  Scarier was at Applebees where he talked about raping and killing (his ex-girlfriend).

Cumulatively, any licensed counselor or psychiatrist would agree he needs counseling and maybe meds. Until he apologizes to Tina even in email, Until he acknowledges and begins working on his anger and ending his redneck statements about gays, women etc. We do not want his influence or interaction with our daughters. That is a simple reality. Uncles and aunts have tremendous influence on nieces and nephews.  Attitude is even stronger influencer. Successful families have successful offspring.  Somewhere or sometime, he let anger interfere with his potential.

I am sorry that you are the most affected.  “Brother A” was the Senior Class President. Yet, he has two friends left –what happened to all these friendships?  He makes sure everyone who isn’t  on his agenda ”is done.”

“Brother A” is on a pathway to being a cantankerous hermit.  His decisions cause the alienation–one friend or family member at a time.  He needs counseling. Get him to go and then we can get back to being a family.  (Signed– “Him”)

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Those issues are the tip of the iceberg.  Why does he now want my daughter around this man?  Why???!!!

I can tell you what the court paperwork states–  “Brother A has changed— he now has a wife and son.  He is a family man…yada…yada…yada”.

Fast-forward to reality:  “Brother A” does in fact have a wife and son.  He purchased a mail-order bride.  He brought her to America– she abandoned a child that she already had  and came to live here.  Together, they had a baby.  Being a husband and a father does not cure him. It does not change the person who beats tiny puppies, who is homophobic, sexually disturbed and talks about raping and killing people.

August 10, 2011 Court Date Re-Cap:  The court lifted the order slightly– and finally granted my request for a court-appointed attorney — Minor’s Counsel, who would look into my allegations and make a recommendation in the “best interest” of my daughters.

A new date was placed on the calendar— August 31, 2011.  This would be a report of findings from the attorney who would be representing my children.

Once again, I was hopeful.  I was also ready to put on the battle gear and fight.  Again.

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One Mom’s Battle: Our mission at One Mom’s Battle is to increase awareness of Cluster B personality disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder) and their impact upon shared parenting and the Family Court System which includes Judges, CPS workers, Guardian ad Litems (GAL), Parenting Coordinators (PC), Custody Evaluators, therapists and attorneys. Education on Cluster B disorders will allow these professionals to truly act in the best interest of the children.

History of One Mom’s Battle: In 2009, One Mom’s Battle began with one mother, (Tina Swithin), navigating the choppy waters of a high-conflict divorce in the Family Court System. Since then, it has turned into a grassroots movement reaching the far corners of the Earth. Tina’s battle spanned from 2009 – 2014 during which time she acted as her own attorney. Ultimately, Tina was successful in protecting her daughters and her family has enjoyed complete peace since October 2014 when a Family Court commissioner called her ex-husband a “sociopath” and revoked his parenting time in a final custody order.

Tina Swithin: Divorcing a narcissist? Tina Swithin’s books are available online at Amazon (print, Kindle or audio format). Each year, Tina offers life-changing weekends of camaraderie and healing at the Lemonade Power Retreat.  Tina also offers one-on-one coaching services and a private, secure forum called, The Lemonade Club, for those enduring high-conflict custody battles.

 

 

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